Is there a better way to express yourself than writing — where only you read it, or only the few people you choose to share it with? These days I’ve started making YouTube videos. I don’t even know where that idea came from. I’m a camera-shy person, and the thought of putting myself in front of a camera made me anxious at first. But if I don’t raise my voice for my community, for my people, then who will?
Indians — especially those of us from unreserved castes — have a habit of turning away from problems that land on our doorstep. We’re the group that was massacred by rulers, forced out of our homes, forced to convert. And now some people want to come after our daughters too.
If someone from an upper caste — a “Swarn,” as they call us — said something like that about another community, the whole country would erupt. Effigies would burn. People would be out on the streets, setting cars on fire, without even thinking that it’s someone’s hard-earned money, and that person had nothing to do with the comment.
This is getting heavy. I’ve already started making videos about heavy topics — but are they really “heavy,” or is this just what keeps happening to us, over and over?
We upper-caste people have always been the ones doing the hard, dirty work for everything… ugh, I’m messed up — or maybe that’s just the drinks talking again.
Last time I wrote something, I described a person, but I couldn’t gather the courage to post it. Not because it would’ve hurt me or them — it just wasn’t the right thing to write. And today, of all days — I’m supposed to be someone who speaks up for unreserved folks. Is this even the right place for that, or should I just go back to making videos? Honestly, I don’t love being on camera, but I do love speaking up, especially for my community.
Community is something you’re born into. You don’t choose it, just like you don’t choose your family. Those are the only two things you’re given — everything else, you either choose, or it chooses you.
I’m lucky to have some amazing friends, and in my video I couldn’t name everyone. There’s one person I regret not naming — if they ever read this, they’ll understand. Wait, have I mentioned them twice now?
You don’t have to bring this up, you idiot. I just have so much gratitude for my friends that it comes pouring out of nowhere sometimes.
Something funny happened a while back. My 8-year-old was travelling with me and said, ‘Papa, Baba abuses even when he’s praising something.’ I asked what he meant, and he said last time he showed Baba a sketch he’d made, I told him, ‘bhenchod yu toh bdiya bana diya taine’
Galiyan runs in our blood — it’s not really seen as a bad thing where we’re from, in western UP.
I should probably sleep now, but the new episode of Latent is stuck in my head. I keep wondering — has the show actually gone downhill, or are we just expecting too much from him? He’s a Kashmiri Brahmin, by the way. You idiot, you’re drifting back to thinking about content again — clearly it’s taken over your brain.
Signing off.
